Voicemail Greetings From The Edge

Monday: You've reached xxx-xxxx. It's Monday, which means that Sunday and its attendant melancholy is temporarily behind me. Please leave offers of employment, notification of winning raffle tickets, or the lyrics to The Boomtown Rats song "I Don't Like Mondays" after the tone.

Tuesday: Hi, this is (SHP). I'm either at a café reading old literary journals, at a matinee screening of a film that scored at least a 75% "fresh" rating on rottentomatoes.com, walking around Green Lake listening to my iPod, or buying groceries at the QFC/Bartell/Trader Joe's Axis. Please leave a message at the beep, and I'll try to get back to you within the next two hours.

Wednesday: Greetings, and thanks for leaving a voicemail instead of a text message or a pop-in at my apartment (I find the former too impersonal and the latter a bit too spontaneous). Today is what's known as "Hump Day" by the American workforce, and "just another day" by the rest of us. You know the drill: wait for the tone, and let me know what's up.

Thursday: Hello, how are you? Only a couple more workdays for many of you before your customary two-day break, so take heart if you're having a rough go of it at the office this week due to layoffs, declining wages, and increased worker productivity. Be thankful you have a job, and hold onto it as long as you can. Speak after the beep and I'll get back to you shortly.

Friday: This is xxx-xxxx. Please leave detailed instructions as to when and where this week's happy hour will take place. Otherwise...I'm not sure why else you'd be calling on a Friday, but state your business nonetheless and I may call you back tomorrow.

Saturday: It's (SHP), and if I'm not answering my phone, it may be because it's between 9 and Noon and I have headphones on, grooving to the finest dub, reggae, and dancehall courtesy of Kid Hops and his "Positive Vibrations" radio show on KEXP. My landlord is an acupuncturist and her office is directly below my apartment. She gets annoyed when I play loud music on Saturday mornings while she has patients, hence the headphones. Talk to you soon.

Sunday: Hi there, I can't take your call at the moment, because it’s Sunday and I’m doing my best to fill the day with a steady stream of activities, distractions, and soul-nurturing endeavors to keep the Sunday Blues at bay. If I'm having relative success in this project, there's a good chance I'll return your call sometime today. If not, then we may have to wait until Monday to talk. At any rate, please leave a message after the tone, and rest assured that your call is very important to me.

Postcards From Wallingford, Seattle, 98103

Dear Andy,

Greetings from the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle. It's a mostly middle/upper-middle class neighborhood north of downtown, across the freeway from the university district (Univ. of Washington). There are a lot of restaurants, an indie movie theater (I saw a great French film, "The Class", last week), both a specialty beer AND a specialty wine shop, a state liquor store (you can only buy hard stuff at state monopoly stores, like in Scandinavia), a few bars...pretty low-key. There are a lot of 30-something married couples with babies, teenagers running amok each afternoon (apparently there is a high school in the neighborhood), and a few homeless people, but not as many as downtown. Hope you are doing well...

(SHP)

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Hello Andy,

It's another dispatch from 98103. I've been hanging out at coffee shops this week (there are two good local places across the street from each other), reading up on the history of this neighborhood to pass the time. In case you wanted to know, this area was named after one John Noble Wallingford, a real estate speculator and major land-owner back in the day (he died in 1913). If you're ever playing a Seattle version of Trivial Pursuit or Jeopardy!, this could come in handy. I also recently discovered that there's a beautiful lake nearby, Green Lake, which has pedestrian and bike paths. I've been taking walks there mornings. The weather is stereotypically Seattle right now (cold, rainy and windy), but it's still beautiful. Give my best to everyone back in the neighborhood.

(SHP)

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Hey Andy,

I'm still using Wallingford as my home base during my Seattle stay. This week I found a great tea house, a cupcake café, a Chicago-style pizza place, and a dive bar/lounge at a Chinese restaurant that serves stiff, cheap gin & tonics. People here are friendly enough, though many are quite guarded. I'd heard that Seattleites are difficult to get to know, and it's true that there isn't a lot of eye contact or small talk in public (again reminding me of being in Scandinavia). Most people are friendly enough if you approach them or ask them a question, but you need to approach them, because they generally won't approach you. Everyone seems to be making a concerted effort to not invade anyone's personal space. Very different from back home. Also, I've noticed that a lot of people in Wallingford, and Seattle in general, dress extremely casually, almost shockingly so. I've never seen so many people wearing flip-flops, sweat pants, tank tops, basketball shorts, and other athletic wear while not at the beach or working out. After hanging out in Manhattan and Chicago during my trip, it's quite a change. I often feel overdressed when stepping out for the evening. Oh well. I'll be home soon...

(SHP)